For Me This Is Heaven
by Ellipses
Summary: For him, this was heaven. But for her, this was her hell. It's the way he makes everything better. BL oneshot, songfic


Title: For Me This Is Heaven

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Nothing owned by me. Song (and corresponding title) by Jimmy Eat World and denoted by italics.

Summary: For him, this was heaven. But for her, this was her hell. It's the way he makes everything better.

AN: No distinct idea…just loved the song and the title. Set sort of season 3 finale, but could really be AU. Written ages ago, not taking into account the events of early season 4.

_The first star I see may not be a star_

Lucas Scott had never really had very many lasting relationships. Most of the people (females) he'd met…well, they always ended up being friends. So maybe it was a surprise to him that a female had noticed him in a romantic way when he'd first gotten to know Peyton. He'd thought she was everything he wanted—they were, after all, so similar and had so much in common—he thought he'd found someone to hold on to and never let go. But then Brooke breezed through in typical fashion—she was the last person he thought he'd ever date. They had practically no shared interests and she was trouble, with a capital T.

Yet he found himself sucked into her world where life was lived as if every day could be the last and the phrase "I agree" never appears in conversation. They could talk for hours like that. She wasn't who he'd noticed first, but in retrospect everything seems so much clearer doesn't it? Thinking back in regret over his brief stint with Peyton, he felt as if he must've been wearing those metaphorical rose-tinted glasses whenever he was around Brooke. He must've been if he couldn't see at that time that she outshined all the others; she was blinding.

Once you realise something, it's hard to go back. This time, he was sure of his feelings. This time, things were different. The only one who didn't believe that was Brooke herself.

_We can't do a thing but wait so let's wait for one more  
And the time, such clumsy time, in deciding if it's time_

Brooke had felt this feeling building up over time. This independence, it was giving her the desire to concentrate on her own feelings, well-being and future. And it felt good. For so long, it had been her helping other people with their problems and neglecting herself in the process, constantly hiding herself from others and from herself. She was tired of keeping up her pretences. But, no, she couldn't allow herself to be that vulnerable. Not now. Someday, maybe.

_I'm careful, but not sure how it goes  
You can lose yourself in your courage_

She knew what she had to do. And she shivered, not because it was cold. Here she stood in front of him, practically speechless, seizing up the moment. She didn't speak. The words she had spoken earlier had said everything she hadn't wanted to say, she'd said too much already.

"Dance with me."

And then he tells her everything she wanted to hear and she forgets everything she wanted to say. She feels okay, for now.

_When the time we have now, ends  
When the big hand goes round, again  
Can you still feel the butterflies?  
Can you still hear the last goodnight?_

"I needed to hear your voice."

He hears her broken voice, and it soothes him. He wants to believe that what she's telling him is everything she needed to say. He knows that life isn't that simple, their relationship isn't that simple and, needless to say, Brooke is never that simple. But he holds her close and breathes in her scent. He's just happy to have her back in his arms.

"It doesn't mean I didn't miss you."

_And the mindless comfort grows  
When I'm alone with my great plans  
And this is what she says gets her through it:_  
"_If I don't let myself be happy now then when?"_  
"_If not now when?"_

Feeling this way, this carefree for a while, she hopes that the feeling will stay. She's felt this way before…but that was Before. With a capital. That is, after all, how she thinks of it in her mind.

She knows better now and already feels guilty for allowing herself to allow him to make her feel that way. She knows that he could make her happy one day, but that day couldn't be today. Not until she sorted herself out, and not until he sorted himself out as well—the street goes both ways right?

He's killing her softly with his words.

For her, this is hell.

_I close my eyes and believe wherever you are  
You're an angel for me_

He holds her closer, just relieved to have her back in his arms. He knows that after this, he might not have the chance anymore. Not until…

He was clinging for dear life to the belief that people who are meant to be together find their way in the end. He was content to just hold on to this one last happy moment.

For him, this is heaven.


End file.
